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Coluche, Coluche in English, France, Humor, Michel Colucci, Paris
Expanding on the article I wrote for My French Life about Michel “Coluche” Colucci, I’ve translated some of his more humorous quotations to introduce his brand of comedy to a non-francophone audience.
Briefly, Coluche was a popular French comic in the 70s-80s who was famous for his acerbic wit, defense of the underprivileged, candidacy for the French presidency, and creation of the food bank “Resto de Coeur”.
Here is a sample of his style.
Intelligence isn’t rocket science. All you have to do is think of something stupid and say the opposite.
A rubber would be a great political logo: It contains inflation, allows for expansion, limits overproduction and provides a sense of security.
The month of the year where politicians lie the least is February; there are only 28 days.
I’d just like to point out to any politician who thinks I’m a smart ass, that I didn’t start it.
Jean-Marie Le Pen [founder of the ultra-right National Front] doesn’t have any Arabic blood. Well…on his front bumper, maybe.
It would be racist to think foreigners don’t have the right to be idiots.
I’m on two diets at the moment because with only one, I wouldn’t have enough to eat.
Bigamy is when you have two wives; monotony is when you only have one.
For 15,000 francs, my shrink got rid of everything I had: 15,000 francs.
An alcoholic is someone who you don’t like and drinks as much as you.
The difficult age for girls is when they’re too old to count on their fingers and too young to count on their legs.
God said, “Share and share alike. To the rich I give the food and to the poor, an appetite.”
Except for gangster or politician, the only job that doesn’t require any qualifications is artist.
[Note: All quotations are by Michel “Coluche” Colucci and translated by yours truly. All photos were taken from the net and are believed to be in the public domain. If anyone has rights to any of these photos and would like me to take it down, please leave a comment below.]
Paris Inspired 
My Hubby raves about this guy all the time, seeing them translated into English (I am Australian) makes them that much easier to understand his raving passion for him! Thankyou, I am going to pass it on to some friends learning French in Australia.
Welcome Countries!
Glad you appreciated the post and Coluche!
If your friends are interested in a little lesson, these are the original quotes I translated. They’re out of order compared to they way I posted them but that could be part of the exercise!
See you in the streets,
Paris Paul
– Le mois de l’année où le politicien dit le moins de conneries, c’est le mois de février, parce qu’il n’y a que vingt-huit jours.
– Je ferais admirablement remarquer aux hommes politiques qui me prennent pour un rigolo que ce n’est pas moi qui ai commencé.
– Les gens élisent un président de la République et après, ils disent : c’est quand même un mec formidable, puisqu’il est président de la République.
– Il semblerait que le préservatif soit un très bon emblème politique : il jugule l’inflation, il permet quand même l’expansion, il limite la surproduction et il offre une impression de sécurité satisfaisante.
– A part gangster ou homme politique, des choses qui se font sans qualification, y a quasiment qu’artiste.
– Jean-Marie Le Pen n’a pas de sang arabe. Ou alors, sur son pare-chocs, peut-être.
– Ce serait raciste de penser que les étrangers n’ont pas le droit d’être cons.
– Je suis capable du meilleur et du pire, mais dans le pire, c’est moi le meilleur.
– Moi je fais deux régimes en même temps parce qu’avec un seul, je n’avais pas assez à manger.
– Dieu a dit : “Il faut partager”. Les riches auront la nourriture, les pauvres de l’appétit.
– La bigamie, c’est quand on a deux femmes ; et la monotonie, c’est quand on n’en a qu’une !
– Mon psychiatre, pour quinze mille francs, il m’a débarrassé de ce que j’avais : quinze mille francs.
– L’intelligence, c’est pas sorcier, il suffit de penser à une connerie et de dire l’inverse.
– L’âge ingrat, chez les filles, c’est quand elles sont trop grandes pour compter sur leur doigts et trop petites pour compter sur leurs jambes.
– Un alcoolique, c’est quelqu’un que vous n’aimez pas et qui boit autant que vous.
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Ohhh how fun up in that comment there! A match-up, French to English! Yay!
What a *wonderful* post! I laughed so much — all of these made me smile big. A couple of regrets: 1) that Coluche is no longer with us to share his wonderful brand of wit, and 2) that I still don’t know French well enough to understand his stuff in the original. Thank goodness I have you! (For many things, not just for translating Coluche for your readers. 😉 But it’s really nice that you did!)
Hi Angel!
Thanks for popping in and RT’ing and everything. I’m glad I was able to bring a smile to your lovely face.
It was a lot of fun translating these nuggets and I’m glad I’ve helped in my own (very) little way to get the word out about Coluche.
See you in the sheets,
Paris Paul
Hello Paris Paul,
Very funny quotes. I can’t believe Coluche said the one about LePen.
Hi La Mom!
Thanks for the comment and the visit! That Coluche quote surprised me, too. I was a little hesitant about posting it but, after thinking about it, I decided posting it is what Coluche would have wanted me to do!
See you in the streets,
Al K Hall
Nice job! … and a lot more in front of you, if you wish to translate his whole “works”! 🙂
Hi Peter!
Nope, I think my work here is done. I have my work cut out for me now, translating the collected works of Louis de Funes.
Any idea how to translate “nyiuo” or some similar sounding noise?
Thanks for your visit and hope to see you in the streets,
Paris Paul
Hi Paul,
Tough job to translate Louis de Funes, a lot of gestures and face expressions… Sorry, can’t help with the “nyiou”! 🙂
To answer your question on my blog; no my photos are from last Thursday, but the weather was about the same as on Sunday.
Peter
Love it! Recently wrote a brief article about Coluche and his Resto de Coeur. His humor is so relevant today, too. The comment about Le Pen – wow…and he’s still influencing us today! Someone posted this on Facebook today so I’m going to read your other pages and get caught up.